I was scrolling through events for this month. One is Christmas, and another I am excited about this year is Tamu Losahr. This year, we are celebrating Tamu Loshar at the end of December. I have been attending this event in Denver for the past two years. So, many people know that I am half Tamu, aka my mother is from the Gurung community in Nepal. And I had never celebrated Loshar in Nepal. As a kid, I thought we were not exposed to my mother's side of the family, mainly because it was far away from Kathmandu, where we grew up. Now, in retrospect, I think it was because we grew up in a patriarchal society where your mother's side of the family is not as important as your father's side of the family. That particular thought gets ingrained into our brains since we are kids, and then sadly, as we grow up, we tend to believe it is true. 

I attended my higher studies in Dharan, and my mom's family lives in Japan. They are originally from Gorkha in Nepal. So, while studying in Dharan, I went to Mamagar during small breaks and holidays because it was closer to going there than to Kathmandu. Hence, I got to meet and see the lifestyle and culture of my mom's side of the family, which is very different from my father's. My grandfather was in the Indian army and fought in World War II. He showed me his old rifle in the house and told me war stories and how he went to Burma and fought in World War II. He told us that he got all the land in Jhapa bestowed by the late king Mahendra after returning from War. Since no one wanted to live in the Terai part of Nepal due to Malaria, they could clear out as much forest as they wished and live there. I still have pictures of when my siblings and I visited Jhapa as a kid, but I cannot recall the memories. When I first reached Jhapa as an adult, I thought life was easier than in hilly parts of Nepal as they had modern infrastructure like transportation and communication. People are into singing, dancing, interior decorations, and planting gardens in that part of Nepal.

That was all I knew until 2016, but fate had other plans, and we met this Gurung community in Denver. After meeting them, I realized I was missing half of my identity in my life. Of course, I knew the story of bravery from my grandfather and his brother, who went to Brunai as a Gurkha army and led a well-off life after retirement because he brought a lot of gold when he returned to Nepal. Likewise, the media covered stories of bravery and sacrifice as famous British Gurkhas. However, I still needed the most significant part: the vibrant Gurung culture. Since my grandfather moved to Jhapa, the place was a new settlement full of immigrants from all over the country.

On the one hand, it was good as they were exposed to different people and cultures; however, at the same time, they could not carry their entire heritage and culture to the next generation. My grandmother used to speak the Gurung language, but my mom and her siblings could not because no one else spoke it. I remember my grandmother as a petite woman with a beautiful smile who gave me a Ghalek when I visited there. 

These are very few memories I get to make with my grandparents. One of my regrets in my life is that I did not spend much time with them. We always think we have a lot of time and tend to postpone things in life, but in reality, we do not have time. Recently, one day, I asked Mom why she did not teach us anything about her culture, and her answer was valid. She told me that she did not know much either, as she married early in life, was raising 3 three kids, and juggled through life. Fast forward to today. My mom and I are learning about our missing culture and heritage. Most importantly, I learned how to make Gurung-style Sel roti (trust me, they are the best ones), which comes out nice nowadays after my unsuccessful heat and trial for so many years. And last year, out of the blue, I also danced in Kaura, the traditional Gurung dance. Thanks to my friends, who are skilled and gracious dancers, it took a lot of rehearsal to learn that dance as I have two left feet. They were very kind and patient enough to teach me the dance. It was a lot of fun. I do not need to emphasize how regal and exquisite we all look in traditional outfits. And the jewelry is equally magnificent. 

I look forward to this year, Loshar, making many memories and having fun.