Social Conditioning and Success

    A few weeks ago, I told my coworker/friend I had to pick up my parents from the airport. She asked me if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I paused for 5 seconds, sort of got offended, and wondered why she would ask me that question because my parents are good people. In our society, we do not allow ourselves to think parents can be bad people, too. We are conditioned to believe that all parents are good people, even though we know it is not always true. Then, I thought that was a valid question. We have to break free of our conditioning.

    I was talking to one of my coworkers during lunch yesterday, and she told me she is reading a book, "The Power of Pause, " which is an excellent read. She elaborated that the book does not discuss lists of how and when to pause, which is typically how most self-help books are written. I asked her why anyone would think like that on pause. As soon I heard the name, I thought the book must focus on taking time to enjoy life. She further explained that not many people in Western society think like me because people are conditioned to live a very structured way of life. I told her that one thing I like about Western culture is that it has structure. I'm not too fond of it when I invite people at six, and they show up at eight, which is standard practice where I was born and raised. For many people like me, migrating and living in different parts of the world has not improved our tardiness. 

    There is a lot of social conditioning about different things in life, and it seeps into your mind like osmosis. The most universal conditioning is the definition of success. All of us are conditioned to believe that success is equivalent to achieving what society deems valuable, such as power, wealth, and the highest level of educational degrees from the most prestigious universities, etc. These are the parameters we have to measure success. When we achieve all these to some extent, we feel like we have finally arrived and are euphoric for a few moments. Life is all good. Nowadays, we constantly meet people who share this value, and I am not an exception. However, you have this thing called consciousness, which tells you that you are in an illusion and that these things are temporary and have nothing to do with real life and success. You ignore that consciousness as long as possible and run after something that gives you instant gratification and euphoria.

    Then you meet the other kinds of people in life who burst the bubble you live in. People who know me know that my mother and father come from very different cultural backgrounds. My father's side of the family values personal success and achievement in life. Hence, life is all about is all about competition and winning. My mother's side of the family is a very close-knit community, and they value communal benefits and celebrating life rather than personal gains in life. Unfortunately, I did not get much exposure to my mother's side of the family while I was growing up due to patriarchal dominance and, to some extent, geographical distance. However, I was fortunate to know her heritage and culture via a particular family when I came to the USA. These are the kind of people who live their life to the fullest. The most beautiful aspect of their life is that they are one of the bravest people in the world, and at the same time, they are the most welcoming and warm people, too. I look at the matriarch in this family and have known her for years. Looking at her, she radiates and glows with her warmth, compassion, and grace. I have never met anyone with that much kindness and warmth to everyone, regardless of their relationship with her. She does not meet any societal norms of success (money, power, education), yet she is the most accomplished person I have ever met. My late grandfather always talked about Karma. He elaborated that to feel accomplished/successful, the acts must be unconditional (without attachment to results). When I contemplate, her aura comes from the same principle because her love and respect for all who come into her life are unconditional. 

    On the other hand, I am still navigating the unconditional part, hence the disappointment when I try to do good deeds such as inviting people for dinner and serving them, but I have the condition that they must show up on time.